The Wilderness Guide to Identifying a Man's Major by His Facial Hair

Sarah Brooks

Illustrations by Rachel Debruyn

THEOLOGY: A robust beard of no less than 4.5 inches. This beard was predestined for greatness. (see below)

PHILOSOPHY: Neckbeard.

INTERNATIONAL DEVELOPMENT/RELATIONS: Aggressive scruff – the scruff of cynicism and despair. He gave up hope on shaving long ago. Shaving is for idealistic first years.

YOUTH MINISTRY:  Soul Patch. (see below)

POLITICAL SCIENCE: Extremely clean-shaven. The public perception must be maintained. (see below)

MATH/SCIENCE: Patchy. He's been the the lab for too long. (see below)

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THEATRE: Handlebar mustache. (see below)

HISTORY: Muttonchops.

ART/MUSIC: Light stubble to let you know that he's sensitive, but just a bit edgy. Or maybe he lost his shaving kit.

ENGLISH: The French Forked beard, in homage to Chaucer.

PSYCHOLOGY: Short and proper beard, well maintained. Good for stroking thoughtfully while he asks you to tell him about your childhood.

SOCIOLOGY: Who even knows what this major does? He probably has an evil goatee. Good for stroking evilly while plotting world domination.