At the camp where I work, I have a problem with dirt. The soil is largely composed of a dry, ubiquitous grit, which is sent straight from the devil to torment me. It crawls with me into bed. I wake up tasting it in my mouth. It follows me into my office and dries out the bearings in my rolling chair. I can’t play ping-pong without slipping in it. In the first two weeks of camp, I swept up enough dirt to fill a large mug.
This got me thinking: everybody’s got dirt. You know what I mean.
In two hours I'm supposed to be handing in an article about how to study for exams, but I haven't written it yet because I'm kind of busy right now. The two guys I live with convinced me that it is more important to watch them play a First Person Shooter. “But don’t worry,” they say. “We’ll help you write the article at the same time.”
Which, if I weren't already an experienced procrastinator, I might actually believe.
There were a couple of girls in university who stole my heart and chose other guys without giving me a second thought (I guess I should have told them I liked them). There were a few more who outright rejected me in favour of staying single (which is to say they had no excuse for disobeying the Lord’s will to marry me). But it’s okay because I got my revenge by living a long and happy life without them.
A couple of summers ago I had an experience with God while chipping wood. One of my co-workers started up the wood chipper and I approached it with awe and fear. I was so afraid of its grinding teeth and diesel belching gut that the first branches I timidly tossed at the machine fell short. I was afraid that my hand would get pulled in if I was still holding the branch when the machine grabbed it.
Several weeks ago I woke up with hemorrhoids. I didn’t know I had them, but I knew something was wrong because I had an uncomfortable feeling where, well, the place where hemorrhoids like to crop up. So I did the only thing any self-respecting male does when he knows he needs the doctor: I ignored the problem.
And, of course, I had a lot of good reasons for not visiting the doctor too:
University students are a hard-pressed lot. With a whopping 15 hours spent in class each week, they barely have enough time to get the rest of their important things done with the remaining 153 hours. Sleeping and pointless comments on Facebook may account for some of the time spent away from class, but not all of it. According to RAs, students spend most of their extra-curricular time avoiding their dish-washing duties.
The Redeemer community is in shock this morning, after learning that the school’s Symphonia is being investigated for steroid use. Officials became suspicious after Redeemer’s music group gave their final performance, last Friday night.
Angry residents in Redeemer’s married apartments row are wondering what is it about warm weather that makes guys caterwaul outside while strumming on recently purchased guitars. Canadian literary critic Northrop Frye may have the answer.
As if there weren’t already enough ways to deliberately misinterpret the Bible, now there’s one more: the Personal Promise Bible (PPB). Produced by Phronesis International since 2005, the PPB promises customers: “you will read your first name personalized in…over 7,000 places throughout the complete Old and New Testaments.”
Popular media has recently started discussing what shamans have known for decades: the world as we know it will end on December 21, 2012. Researchers and New Age scholars have noted that on the same day the ancient Mayan calendar ends, our sun will align—for the first time in 26,000 years—with the middle of the Milky Way galaxy. These same experts warn that this event will undoubtedly be accompanied by the greatest spiritual transformation of human history—or, alternatively, the apocalypse.
Redeemer’s Storytelling Project changes the lives of children in Hamilton. The project, which just celebrated the completion of its fourth year at Memorial Public Elementary School in Hamilton, works with underprivileged students struggling with provincial literacy tests.