Dearest First-Years: Faculty...

At this time in a first year’s life, so many changes are occurring (e.g. sleep patterns, otherwise known as “excessive napping”) that it’s a good thing faculty at Redeemer are pleasantly consistent. Between Faber’s charm, Needham’s sweater vests, Slade’s cookies and Chiang’s British-accent, they all make you feel at home and safe with their unique character traits. Believe me, there will be a time when you’ll find comfort in spotting Professor Cuthill stride down the halls (it’s unmistakable) or your heart skipping a beat when Professor Wolters breaks out in Hebrew (for no apparent reason other than he can and you can’t).

Oh, and don’t get me started on that man and the legend of his fanny pack. Let me just say that the ROM might have borrowed the Dead Sea Scrolls from his fannypack. Sure, that’s pretty amazing, but there’s more. Have you ever wondered why no one has found the Ark of the Covenant? Yep, in the fanny! I heard a rumor once that George Lucas approached Wolters, requesting the use of the Ark of the Covenant for Indiana Jones, but Wolters spit on Lucas, said a “your momma,” joke entirely in Greek, THEN used a Jedi mind trick to convince Lucas he was actually Steven Spielberg. Steven Spielberg!! (Note, the Crown would like the reader to note that the entire paragraph the reader just read is entirely hear-say. Hear-say that took the writer twenty minutes to hear-and-say-and-expand-on.)

Tidbit: Redeemer professors work too hard for too little.

They do more work than they will ever be adequately paid for. My wild imagination tells me that they’re probably paid under the table with Bennett’s gift certificates. You try paying the hydro bill with $10 worth of apple cider!

Tidbit: Redeemer professors care.

Professors like you; they really, really like you. Well, unless you’re a first-year. First-years just rub a few of these brilliant scholars the wrong way with the lack of attendance and interest (core courses, I get it!). They will eventually like you, just give it time and do the readings once and awhile. By second-year they’ll be wrapped around your pinkie; except some of the history professors. It takes to third-year for them to warm up.

Without this becoming sappier than a Hallmark made-for-TV movie, here’s the thing - you are not just another number to them. Unlike other, larger universities where there are 20,000 students in attendance and four Tim Hortons on-campus. Redeemerites have the benefit of being known by their professors. This is a very good thing. Most of the students I know decided to be in their programs because they love their professors. It isn’t church history alone that catches one’s attention, or ecosystem analysis that sparks interest. The subjects are good but the teachers are great.

If you’re new and haven’t declared your major, you don’t need to worry. It isn’t the end of the world. Besides, you’ll change your major two or three or six times in the next four years. The next time you are asked at a dorm dinner to state your major, and you don’t have one, just make something up. Honestly, who wouldn’t believe you were at Redeemer to major in linguistics. Really, who just realized that Redeemer doesn’t even HAVE a linguistics program? We don’t, do we?

Now, first-years, remember: Appreciate the professors you have and will have throughout your time at school. They have written more words than they’ll force you to write, they have paid more for their education than what’s sane, they have the power to make your life difficult and they don’t like it when you snore in their classes. They are Redeemer’s faculty and they’re here to stay, unless Trinity Western offers them a little more.