Laptops are evil

Under no circumstances should laptops be permitted in class. Students cannot be trusted with such a distracting tool. The benefits of laptops, faster note taking, easy note-sharing between friends, and easily searchable notes, are after all minor in comparison with the benefits of a more attentive class for the professor.

While we're at it, I don't think students should have anything that potentially distracts them in class. No electronics is only the beginning. We need mandatory uniforms for all students. Think of it! No distinct and unique clothing choices for students to be distracted by. Bags, jewelry, lipstick, chap-stick, watches and anything not directly necessary for protection from the elements should also be banned.

The classroom should be pitch black, with a spotlight on the professor alone- if you cannot see your neighbour, you cannot be amused by them. Note taking might suffer, but that's not really a priority now is it? We should remove any windows from classrooms unfortunate enough to have them. Reminders of the outside world cause a student's mind to wander. Talking should not be permitted while in the school building- if they can't talk directly before and after class, there will be less to talk about during class.

In fact, students should be issued mandatory gags so that they may not talk during class unless the professor permits them to remove the gag. Where the classroom shape is appropriate, they should also be issued blinkers so that they cannot look at people out of the corners of their eyes. Cuffing their hands so that they can't play with their pens or poke their neighbour would be a good idea, but that might be taking it too far. Classes should be segregated by gender so that young single students are not distracted by the opposite sex.

Or maybe, just maybe, we could treat the students like adults and force them to take responsibility for their own education, and what they would like to receive out of it. After all, they have chosen to pay thousands of dollars for it. They've presumably come to learn from the staff of this university, even if they do not feel their focus should be only on the classroom while in the classroom. By this age, they should be doing their homework without parental prompting and dressing themselves in the morning. Maybe it's simply enough to make sure students are not interfering with their neighbour's education. Or maybe the onus is on the prof to become interesting enough that Facebook is no longer even a temptation. Maybe classes sometimes contain redundant and boring information that needs to go.

That's just crazy talk though; everyone knows that laptops are evil.