'One Love'

Sure, you are at Redeemer to receive an education, to study hard, and to eventually be rewarded with an excellent career of your choosing... but really, what use is a wonderful job and lots of money if you come home to an empty house with no one to support or care for? Would you feel fulfilled and entirely content? So, you must also be here with the intent, however far back in your mind, to snag a spouse - and you are only one among many others who share the same intentions. But, with so many options how do you find the right person? When you finally do, what are the steps towards a Godly relationship? If these questions resonate with you, and undoubtedly they do, the One Love Conference at Dundas Calvin Church that kicked off October 2 was for you.

Amidst beautiful worships sessions, Pastor Paul Vanden Brink engagingly explained the importance of searching first for philos love (deep friendship) before eros (superficial attraction) as the latter will always result from the former but not the other way around. Increasingly, in today’s image-based society, relationships are founded almost exclusively in the superficial and physical. Pastor Vanden Brink explained that “looks fade, but personality lasts a life time.”

He went on to present the idea that, just as Eve was created to complete Adam, to build on and strengthen his weaknesses with Adam acting likewise towards her, we should search for someone to compliment us. Then, when we enter into a relationship, we will use our strengths to push this person closer to God making him/her a more righteous person. He says that too many people look for someone to strengthen themselves; that really, in a relationship the best way to receive personal strengthening is through forgetting about yourself and helping the other grow.

Finally, Pastor Vandenbrink strongly encouraged dating your best friend as that relationship is littered with philos - assuming this best friend is of the opposite gender, of course. He said that “if the person you are currently dating is not your best friend, there’s a problem and you’ve got to start building philos”. In fact, he went so far as to say that you must be extremely careful of your close friendships with the opposite sex because when you have that tight of a friendship, biblically you are dating. If need be, he explained, have clear talks to determine the relationship (DTRs are strongly advocated by many Redeemer folk) with that person to make sure you are both on the same page.

Philos is the stuff that builds loveing relationships, and eros is a natural continuation of that. Making the mistake of first searching for eros and hoping philos results is risky business.