Redeemer guys in danger

As many of you may have noticed (and may have previously read about in an earlier issue of The Crown) emergency phone towers have been installed around campus. But why? Redeemer is fairly safe isn’t it? Apparently not. In-depth investigating has revealed the gap in Redeemer’s security. You may have noticed in the Time Out that Security is pushing the Walk-Safe Program. I know why. It’s for fourth year guys.

Redeemer is known for two things: people leave married or engaged, and there are far more girls than guys. How is this reconciled? The girls get aggressive in forth year. If they have not found a guy to marry by graduating year, they may just grab the first guy they see and demand a date.

Guys may find themselves followed home at night by girls armed with a list of reasons why they’re the most eligible bachelorettes. He’s conservative? She loves kids! He’s progressive? She wants a full time job. He’s not sure what he wants in a wife? She loves kids, wants a job, can cook, and her dad is a millionaire who’s been feeling a bit ill lately.

The hallways aren’t safe either. A guy might stick a hand out to wave to a friend, or to pick up a copy of The Crown, or to point out something to his buddies. That’s a dangerous move guys. That hand is a prime target. Any desperate graduating girl could grab onto it and insist to everyone nearby that you’re her boyfriend. There goes any chance of impressing the girl you were actually interested in.

Best keep your hands in your pockets and walk with a friend during exams. The year is almost over and the pressure to pass the finals for the MRS degree might just be too much.