Top 5 Burgers of the 00's

5. Big Xtra

Working at McDonald’s was one of the worst experiences of my life, besides the free food. My worst weeks of acne and gut rot were peppered with delicious encounters with the Big Xtra, or as the Americans called it, the Big’n’Tasty. With an extra patty, double cheese, all the fix-uns, a tray of nuggets and a chocolate shake, I was wired for the rest of my shift.

4. Baconator

The Baconator is a heart-attack wrapped in good advertising to unadulterated protein fiends. A.K.A, me. Substitute the fry for a baked potato with cheese and bacon, and you have a match made in Ford-style assembly line fashion. Also, you get another reminder of why they call it fast food – it goes through you like a cow-flavoured bar of soap on a waxed slip-n-slide.

3. Bulky Burger

An obscure sandwich, the Bulky Burger hails from the Burger Bar in Goderich, my hometown. My summers in construction were highlighted by lunches featuring the cheesy, ham-slice hosting, holstien hackery of a burger. It also fed me and my friends while in line for two of the three Lord of the Rings installments at the Goderich Theatre.

2. JBCs

For an economic solution, the Junior Bacon Cheeseburger was a perfect substitute on a budget for a “real” burger. Or, for the competitive type, ordering ten to split in a race is a good suggestion. Just be careful of the inconsistent lettuce-slice size.

1. The Big Harv

Possibly the most delicious ¼ pound of meat in fast-food history, Harvey’s’ flagship stack was framed by a fresh, poppy-seed bun with no equal. As a teenager, I still threw back the occasional double with bacon and cheese meal with poutine fries and a chocolate shake. But only when I was feeling indulgent/ in my car passing a Harvey’s.

Bottom Two:

· Once, I had a Sloppy Joe at the Cadet Camporee in Illinois. It was terrible. Maybe mine happened to host the one mouse that got mungled in the beef, or maybe men get lazy when feeding hundreds of boys. Whatever it was, I was not impressed.

· Any Dairy Queen burger. Take their advice; DQ something different. This is a prime example of specialization of task; DQ should stick to Blizzards. Utter byproduct, not rib-runoff, should be their number one task.