A Welcome for First Year Students

Hello, my name is Joy G.M. Johnson and I’m a four-and-a-half year.

I’M BACK!!!?

I know what you’re thinking, “What the he-rmeneutics is that?” A four-and-a-half-year is someone who so foolishly, but happily, switches her major in the second semester of her third year. What that translates to is “I really didn’t think that through but at least I’m done my core!”

I have no doubt that the idea of such a student might shake the faith of an unsuspecting first-year; but let me tell you that a four-and-a-half-year, though not as mysterious as Bigfoot, majestic as the Loch Ness Monster, or monstrous as a fifth-year, exists. Yes, it is the truth.

Last week I returned to Redeemer with a chip on my shoulder. Why so serious, you ask? One class, people. That’s the only thing that got between me and a funny robe, a diploma and Justin Cooper’s handshake. Just one class.
After I finished singing a Redeemer rendition of “It’s a Hard Knock Life,” I realized that I was at Redeemer for a reason. I had something special to share with others. Those “others” are first-years and that “something special?” Its wisdom, baby, and a whole lot of commas. Once I determined that I would put the last four months of my post-secondary education to penning vast and useless knowledge I felt a weight lifted off my resentful chest. I had a calling, a purpose, and I was going to put it all in the Crown.

The weird thing is, after reviewing my insightful words I discovered it rivaled War and Peace in length and no soul wants to read 2,000 words if it isn’t about a sexy vampire or an oh-so-sexy dead guy like Søren Kierkegaard. I have too much wisdom? How odd. To lighten your literary plate the good people at The Crown have decided to tame my wisdom down to an article a month – something to look forward to beside monthly payments to Zach Pilling.

Here is the first batch of good cents from a person who has spent a few dollars on her Redeemer education (pun included, tax free). “A few dollars.” Why does that sound so familiar? Oh right, we’re going over finances in the first Dearest First-Years column.

Ah, I can hear the sound of interest rising on bank loans already.

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